


Lazy Alchemist

by WrestleCrazyGamer



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Multi, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-11
Updated: 2017-10-14
Packaged: 2019-01-15 22:36:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12330243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WrestleCrazyGamer/pseuds/WrestleCrazyGamer
Summary: Oswald Kreski is the "Lazy Alchemist", someone who's often mistaken for a privileged slacker... but his implied laziness is just part of the reason he earned that title let alone his certification. That being said, General Roy is not too happy that he just stays at home and gets his paperwork in the day of his deadlines... so he assigns the younger child of Edward Elric, Ellen Elric who is also known as the "Justice Alchemist" due to her sense of duty and justice, to be his second-in-command and bodyguard to get his butt in gear. Ellen's about to learn the truth behind his title as events unfold around Oswald.





	1. Change of Pace

“Big surprise, General, he said no.” Riza reported to Mustang as he sat behind his mahogany desk.

“I already anticipated that he’d say no, so I’ve done something he can’t say no to.” Roy smirked with the devil in his eyes.

“Oh?” she asked raising an eyebrow.

“He can’t say no… if I assign him a second-in-command that refuses to stand for ignoring acts of injustice.” he chuckled.

“S-Sir, you didn’t assign him… the younger of the Elrics did you…?” Riza gasped taking a step back.

“Oh yes I did. If anyone can make that lazyass do something other than just pass evaluations, it’s an Elric… the Justice Alchemist will set the Lazy Alchemist straight for sure.” Roy grinned sadistically.

At a residence on the far end of town a military vehicle pulled into the drive. A teenage girl with long blonde hair wearing a standard Military Police uniform wearing an Alchemist’s Watch with pride then got out of the passenger side with a suitcase. She waved to the driver and the vehicle left. She walked to the door with pep in her step and knocked with energy. There was no answer so she knocked again, putting a little more effort into being loud. She waited, but still got no answer.

“Oswald Kreski?! I was sent here by General Mustang!” she spoke loudly hoping the resident would hear her.

The door then flew open. Standing there was a tired-looking man with early signs of a beard, messy caramel brown hair, and a Military Police uniform without the coat showing a slightly loose red short-sleeved t-shirt. He looked her down while scratching his side before letting out a big yawn.

“Mustang sent a kid to me? I don’t babysit. Shoo.” he dismissed her.

“I’m not a kid, I’m sixteen! I’m the Justice Alchemist, Ellen Elric, and don’t you forget it!” she roared at him.

“Oh… I’ve heard of you… the Alchemist that goes nuts if even the smallest of problems is left unresolved. I bet Mustang sent you here to try and motivate me to do things. Joke’s on him, a kid isn’t going to do that to me.” he scoffed.

“Actually, I’ve been assigned to be your official second-in-command and bodyguard. So I’m not going anywhere.” she told him puffing her chest out confidently while presenting a manilla envelope.

“I don’t need a bodyguard.” he bluntly told her.

“Too bad, orders are orders!” she smugly grinned.

“It’s as easy as this. No.” he told her before slamming the door in her face.

“Hey! I can bust the door down you know! Orders are orders!” she roared in anger.

“Be my guest, I’ll bill your parents and see how they feel about your actions.” he scoffed walking from the door.

As he walked the front door flew by him. He looked over his shoulder and a suit of armor had punched the door. He blinked a few times, rubbed his eyes, and looked again.

“Did you animate one of the suits of armor outside my door?” he asked her.

“Not hard if you know what you’re doing.” she smugly grinned.

“You learned that on your own?” he asked raising an eyebrow.

“No… Uncle Al showed me how to do it after I failed for the 60th time…” she admitted slumping a bit.

“I’m guess that’s the field of alchemy you profess in?” he asked.

“It’s what helped me become a State Alchemist a year earlier than my brother too! He was SO mad!” she laughed with a big smile.

“So, do you bind a soul to it or do you remotely control its movements like a puppet?” he asked while examining the armor.

“It’s a bit of both… I instruct it with my mind and it kind of does it the way it believes to be most efficient, like when I ordered it to get the door open and it punched it off its hinges.” she replied.

“It didn’t think to turn the knob?” he asked.

“I guess it assumed you locked it.” she chuckled nervously.

“Listen, I may be lazy, but only an idiot tries to rebel against stationing orders. You’ll be court marshalled faster than you can blink.” he told her rubbing his neck.

“Then what was that argument?” she asked.

“Giving you a hard time.” he replied walking off to the kitchen.

“Hey!” she shouted hurrying in after him.

“You don’t have to shout.” he sighed opening a soda can.

“Sir, I need to know where my quarters are.” she told him.

“Guest room is across from the living room, that’ll be your bedroom. Workspace… anywhere there’s a desk and chair really. I like changing my scenery sometimes.” he shrugged.

“You’re a mess… no wonder General Mustang put me as your second-in-command. Never fear, for I am here! You’ll be twice, nay, three times as productive with me around!” Ellen exclaimed.

“Uh-huh. You can start with the study if you’re so enthusiastic.” he sighed.

“Which room?” she asked.

“The only double-door room in the house.” he replied while fixing some food.

She walked to the large doors and confidently grasped the handles. She flung them open with gusto and was immediately buried in a massive stack of books and papers. He walked over and knelt by her moving a book to expose her face.

“Still enthusiastic?” he asked.

“I’m sure… if we work together… maybe pull a few all nighters… we can conquer this ocean of work…” she nervously chuckled with a smile.

“Hmm. Maybe tomorrow. I’ve got a four o’clock with the neighbor’s youngest daughter.” he told her.

“What business do you have with a kid?” she asked.

“Chess rematch, she’s adamant on besting me.” he replied as he lifted the door with ease carrying it back to the door frame to fix the hinges via alchemy.

“So instead of working you’re playing chess with a kid?! No wonder you don’t get anything done!” Ellen exclaimed.

“Yeah I procrastinate on things, and I’m generally not the hardest worker… but make no mistake there’s a different reason I’m called the Lazy Alchemist.” he told her looking over his shoulder.

“You’re not helping me with this at all are you?” she asked.

“Unless it needs my signature… no.” he bluntly replied. 

“Mister Oswald! School let out early so I’m here early to challenge you!” a little girl in a school uniform shouted as she barged in excitedly.

“That so? I hope you brought your A Game because I don’t plan on being merciful today either.” he smiled at her.

“You’re just leaving it all to me?!” Ellen exclaimed.

“A king must defend his kingdom from the threat of the pearly white pieces, Ellen. This is a matter of national defense.” he smirked before entering the living room with the girl.

“Fine… I don’t need your help… I’ll get it all done before you even FINISH your game.” she angrily smirked.

She then set to work on the nightmarish amount of paperwork and misplaced books. She first sorted them into “no signature” and “signature required” piles, then separated them into boxes on either side of the study. After the papers came the books she’s stacked. That made her notice the bookshelves were in total chaos with no rhyme or reason to how they were put on them. She almost had a cow taking them all off the shelves and reorganizing them both alphabetically and by the field they were on. After that came finalizing the papers that didn’t require her superior’s signature. 

The hours flew by as she stamped paper after paper. She read every fine detail before approving or rejecting them. Before Ellen knew it, she’d fallen asleep at the desk she’d settled down at. When she sat up a blanket fell down behind her as birds chirped in the early morning light. To her surprise the signature papers were all completed and in a neat box ready for delivery to Central. Next to that one were three other boxes containing the non-signature papers, but she was certain she was only half done before she fell asleep. The books on the shelves were reorganized to be just alphabetical too, which irked her a bit but it was her superior’s study. 

“I guess I inspired him to get the rest done.” she nodded to herself.

In the master bedroom, her superior was stretching. With a big yawn as he hang up his coat he gazed outside. The wakeup horn was already going off in the distant military academy. 

“Time to sleep after a hard night of work… noon ought to do it.” he sighed setting an alarm clock before tucking himself into his bed.


	2. Taking a Case (Willing or Not)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex Armstrong sends Oswald and Ellen to investigate a case of missing people, whether Oswald wants to or not.

Birds were chirping as Oswald and Ellen carried the boxes of finished paperwork into the Central Office. Everyone seemed too busy to notice the them. Oswald then started to walk back toward the door.

“Kreski! There you are!” a booming voice called as a door burst open.

“Brigadier General Armstrong!” Ellen exclaimed saluting him.

“At ease, younger Elric. My business is with Oswald.” he told her with a smile.

“What do you want?” Oswald sighed.

“I found the perfect case for you to handle!” Armstrong laughed handing him a case file.

“No.” he bluntly told him.

“I knew you’d hesitate, so I took the liberty of telling General Mustang you’d do it for you.” he smiled sparkling.

“YOU DID WHAT???!!!” Oswald roared.

“There’s no need to thank me. I know how difficult it is finding a case worth your time.” he laughed saluting before walking off.

“What’s the case?” Ellen asked staring intently at the file.

“I’m going to get him back for this.” Oswald growled opening the file to read it.

“What’s the case, what’s the case?! A serial murder!? A kidnapping!? Maybe someone’s got a hit on them and needs protection?!” she excitedly asked.

“We’re investigating a report of people going missing in a village a little ways into the country. A village called Yeel. We’ll have to go by train to Resembool first and then get a coach from there if this map is to be believed.” he replied.

“Resembool… I haven’t had the chance to stop by home in a while. Sir, while we’re in Resembool can we take a small amount of time to visit my family?” Ellen requested saluting.

“I don’t see why not if it’s on the way to our destination.” Oswald shrugged.

“Yes! Mom never got to see me in my uniform because of how busy I’ve been, so she’s had to take dad’s word since he came to Central after Brigadier General Armstrong invited him for tea.” Ellen smiled.

“We’re leaving now.” he told her heading for the door.

“S-Sir?!” she exclaimed hurrying to catch up.

In Mustang’s office the man himself was staring at a file on his desk. Armstrong knocked before entering and taking a seat. Roy then gazed up at him.

“You sent him?” he asked.

“Yes. If I may ask, why were you so insistent he take this one? Any State Alchemist should be more than sufficient.” Armstrong replied.

“Not for this case. I’d go if I weren’t the Fuhrer, and you’re already in the middle of a case. This one requires the ability to see what’s really going on at a glance. An Alchemist that doesn’t know what to look for is going to find dust and maybe some lint. He’s lazy, but he’s not stupid.” he explained.

On the train to Resembool Ellen was so anxious and excited she couldn’t sit still. She kept looking ahead of the train to try and spot the Resembool Station. Oswald was ignoring her for the most part.

“Elric, you’re wearing a skirt. Don’t lean so far out the window.” he spoke without looking up from his crossword puzzle.

“I’ve got shorts on underneath, so it’s no problem if they see up my skirt.” she smiled confidently.

“I’m told sometimes you forget. Might want to double check.” he told her.

“Oh please, like I’d forget to put on my shorts…” she scoffed patting her skirt and then immediately turned red sitting properly in her seat.

“It always pays to double check.” he snickered.

“How did I forget…? It’s in my daily routine for getting dressed… they go on before the skirt… it’d make sense if I forgot the skirt, but the shorts…? That means someone could have seen…” she murmured to herself trembling a bit. 

“Stop having a panic attack. Who knows, you might have just forgotten to put another pair on after you took your shower earlier this morning.” he told her.

“Wait… that’s it… I didn’t forget when I got up today… I just forgot to grab another pair of shorts when I grabbed fresh clothes for after my shower!” she exclaimed in horror.

“So you don’t have shorts on under your skirt, big deal. Just don’t do things that’ll cause people to get a peek, simple as that.” he sighed agitatedly.

“You say that because you’ve never worn a skirt before, it’s harder than it looks.” she growled.

“Yes, but our military skirts are designed to be long enough that you’d have to be trying for someone to see up it without sacrificing too much mobility as per request of the Fuhrer.” he scolded her.

“Really? He had them made that way? He’s so considerate…” she smiled.

“He actually wanted to see his wife in a uniform skirt more often. Didn’t work, but hey the women of the military are benefitting from it.” he explained.

“Oh that’s right, Mrs. Mustang almost never wears a skirt at work does she? Hey, think maybe it’s to keep the Fuhrer’s hands to himself at work?” she chuckled with a girn.

“No, she wears pants because they aren’t restricting like a skirt can be. Besides, the Fuhrer has more self-control than that.” he scoffed.

“You’re boring...” she groaned.

“Gossip isn’t my forte, but knowing the facts certainly is.” he snickered.

The train arrived shortly after that. Noon was approaching as they began walking. When a home on a hill became visible Ellen couldn’t contain her excitement anymore and broke into a sprint to the home. Once she arrived on the porch she stopped herself from grabbing the doorknob. She straightened out, put on her hat, and cleared her throat putting her arms behind her back military style. She then knocked on the door prompting her mother, Winry, to open the door.

“Ma’am… I’ve brought news in regards to Ellen Elric.” she spoke attempting to disguise her voice.

“Is she alright?” Winry gasped.

“She’s come home to visit!” Ellen exclaimed leaping to hug her.

“Ellen?! Don’t scare me like that!” she scolded her.

“Sorry, sorry! You didn’t get to see me in uniform yet so I couldn’t fight the temptation.” Ellen laughed as Oswald reached the porch.

“Who’s this?” Winry asked.

“May I present my superior officer, Oswald Kreski the Lazy Alchemist. We’re on our way to Yeel but we have to come through here first so he said it was okay to visit.” Ellen replied.

“It’s nice to meet you ma’am.” Oswald tipped his hat.

“Edward, Ellen came to visit!” Winry called into the house.

“Did she?” Ed spoke walking to the door with a smile.

“Hi dad.” Ellen beamed.

“Oswald?” Edward asked seeing him.

“It’s been awhile, Ed.” he nodded.

They were invited in and Ellen gushed about her military experiences to her parents. They were more than happy to hear about them. Apparently her brother hadn’t visited at all after the first time when he became a State Alchemist. 

“By the way, how do you and Ed know each other?” Winry asked Oswald.

“We’ve met a few times here and there. You could say we have similar views.” Oswald replied.

“You’re heading to Yeel by coach right? That’s at least six hours. Why don’t you stay the night and head off first thing in the morning?” Ed offered.

“Mom’s apple pie is killer, sir.” Ellen smiled.

“Thank you for the offer, but I must respectfully decline. The matter at hand involves missing people.” he explained.

“I see. We shouldn’t keep you then.” Ed nodded.

“Awe…” Ellen groaned.

“Ellen, your duty comes before comforts.” Edward told her.

“I know…” she sighed.

“After your business in Yeel is done, pop by and I’ll bake you a pie. How’s that?” Winry smiled.

“We can’t delay any longer, to Yeel!” Ellen exclaimed.

The duo then boarded a coach and headed on their way. It was very late when they arrived in Yeel. The first place they went to was the sheriff’s office.

“State Alchemists?!” the moustachioed sheriff exclaimed.

“That makes this easier. We’re here to investigate the disappearance of people in this village.” Oswald told him.

“If you’re both really State Alchemists… then there’s no sense in playing dumb. The manor near the river just outside of town is where you’ll want to go. That’s the last place all of the missing folks were seen.” the sheriff sighed.

“Got it. Let’s go.” Oswald ordered.

“Yes sir.” Ellen nodded.

Once they arrived at the double-doors of the manor Oswald put on a glove with a transmutation circle on the palm. He then put his hands on the ground before the door transmuting something beneath the welcome mat.

“What was that about?” Ellen asked.

“Trap door. I took the liberty of sealing it.” he replied standing up dusting his hands off.

“How’d you know it was there?” she asked.

“A hunch.” he replied before knocking using the right knocker.

There was silence as thunder rumbled in the distance. He knocked again and the door began to creak open. The light of a candle illuminated the dark showing a dark-skinned maid bearing red hair, canine-type legs, and elongated beast-like arms bearing red fur up to her shoulders. There was no mistaking what she was… a Chimera.

“Yes?” she asked.

“Sorry to bother you at such a late hour. We’re here to speak with the resident of this manor about missing people last sighted here.” Oswald explained and she got a slightly irritated look glancing to her right.

“Come in, I’ll inform my master.” she told them forcing a smile.

She led them to the waiting room, bowed, and when she left she locked the door. Ellen took a seat, but Oswald exchanged his glove for another bearing a different transmutation circle on the palm. He then touched the knob fixture forcibly unlocking the door.

“Shouldn’t we wait here?” Ellen asked.

“It’s obviously a trap. Plan A was have someone work the trap door mechanism while another keeps us at the door, Plan B is likely sleeping gas in the waiting room.” he replied opening the doors.

“So something’s definitely up here.” Ellen smirked jogging to catch up to him.

The minute they arrived in the foyer several maids of similar Chimera type then leapt down from the upper balcony. Oswald changed gloves again but this time put on two bearing the same transmutation circle. Ellen used her size and agility to quickly reach a statue clapping her hands together before touching it making it come to life and join the fight against the maids. Oswald was slamming his palms into them sending strong bolts of electricity through them non-lethally incapacitating them.

“He’s made this many Chimeras?” Ellen asked.

“Bet there’s more than this lurking around. Keep your wits about you and stay close.” he ordered heading up the stairs.

“So, why do you have so many gloves?” she asked him.

“So I don’t have to draw each individual transmutation circle.” he replied.

“So… you’re called lazy because you don’t want to keep drawing the circles to them?” she asked.

“It saves time when time is of the essence.” he replied smirking.

They soon arrived at the master bedroom where Oswald kicked the door off its hinges downing several maids. He then shot a glare at the man sitting in a wheelchair facing the windows. The man had long greying brown hair, a thick moustache, and was dressed in a blue bathrobe, black pajama pants, and black slippers. 

“I knew this day would come, girls. There’s no reason to fight it any longer.” he spoke.

“These Chimera maids are the missing citizens, aren’t they? Tell me, what possessed you to do this to them?” Oswald asked.

“These are the missing people?!” Ellen exclaimed in shock.

“They were all orphans. That place was serving them what could only be described as slave scraps, dressed them in rags sewn together to look like clothes, and gave them the bare minimum education to pass inspections. Most them them were stick thin as well. So one by one I lured them from that place… and made them into Chimeras to serve me.” he explained having one of the maids turn him around.

“These are all human-based Chimeras though… they talk and everything… have you used a fake Philosopher’s Stone?” Ellen asked.

“The stone I used was indeed a forgery, and it gave out long ago… taking my ability to walk with it. I do not regret my actions, as these girls have been able to genuinely smile since becoming Chimeras.” he replied.

“Human-based Chimeras were made illegal by King Roy Mustang when he came into power. You broke the law not once, but numerous times… but it was for a good cause...” Ellen grimaced clenching her fists.

“How many did you sacrifice for your fake?” Oswald asked him.

“The ones I sacrificed were willing… the terminally ill and injured from a village raided by bandits. Roughly 50 people went into making my fake stone… I made sure to only use that power for good. I revived forests… I saved the injured… I restored people’s ability to walk… everything to make sure their sacrifices were used for good.” he replied somberly.

“Sir… what do we do…?” Ellen asked him.

“Simple. We report that we took care of it, taking back a single Chimera survivor to verify our story.” Oswald replied.

“W-We’re… going to slaughter them…?” Ellen gasped trembling.

“Listen closer, girl. He never said anything about killing in his sentence. Every report needs a witness to confirm it.” the man smiled.

Oswald then scanned over the other maids that were recovering from being hit by the door. He walked to one with a chocolate brown skin bearing shoulder-length white hair and red rabbit ears along with anthropomorphic paw hands covered up to the elbows in red fur. He then pulled her to her feet helping her steady herself.

“This one will be the sole survivor of the massacre.” Oswald spoke.

“What…?” she asked.

“It is alright, Miradeath. He needs you to go with him to confirm our deaths.” the man smiled at her.

“Won’t she be executed for being a Human-based Chimera?” Ellen asked.

“Not if she’s under protection of a State Alchemist as a traumatized witness to their murders. Chimera or not, even Mustang can’t bend his own rules.” Oswald replied turning for the door.

“Tell me, alchemist… most people see tiredness and laziness in your eyes, but I see the eyes of a man who’s looking for an answer. What is the question you’re trying to answer that possesses you to do this for a man like me?” the man inquired.

“I’m not looking for the answer like everyone else. I’m looking for the question.” he answered before exiting.

The three reported to the town hall where Oswald explained to the sheriff, who was freaked out by Miradeath’s appearance. After that they got on a coach headed back for Resembool. Ellen couldn’t help staring at her superior’s sleeping face while thinking about what the man said about his eyes.

“The eyes of a man looking for the question…?” Ellen asked herself examining him thoroughly.


End file.
